Blog address

You can find me here.

Update

I have thought about closing this blog down. Things are going good for me now. I am looking for a job, still staying on track with eating right and exercising daily. I try not to get discouraged since many of my friends have had gastric and are losing weight like crazy. I know it is a journey I want to take to do this on my own.

I feel I have always been a good person, nice looking, with a good personality. But it is nice to know I am getting healthier and not because I have had surgery, but because I have worked so very hard to change everything about my life. My friend who has had surgery has had to change everything about how she eats too so she is going through a lot of the same things I am. The only difference is she has lost almost 50 pounds and I have lost 1/2 that amount. It can be disconcerting at times. I know I will get there, it will just take time.

In the meantime I am glad the kids are about to start school and I am really trying to find a job. I am ready to go back to work!

Defended

Recently I posted a Facebook status about my in laws never seeing my kids. My hubby's sister called me selfish and said that it is our fault my m.i.l. does not see the kids. Really, this girl has no clue!!!

What bugs me is I have never ever said anything to Hubby's sister about the way she lives or the things she does but she has the nerve to call me selfish. She does not even know me!

N E ways, hubby called her and I was in the tub when he was talking to her. He told her she does not have a clue how our kids have been treated, she is only hearing his Mom's side. He told her I am his partner, his wife and I deserve to be treated with respect.

I was very happy he stood up for me. I am still pissed at my sister in law but that's okay, only the people who are really here for me matter in my life!

Asshole

I had a great idea to go out to breakfast this morning and to an early movie. Well, breakfast turned into a tear fest for me. My husband felt I embarrassed him because he pointed out where he wanted to sit and I told him we had to wait to be seated. He said I was talking too lound and people were looking at him and that all I want to do is control everything and everybody.
I sat at the table before we ordered our food and I felt tears come into my eyes so I went to the bathroom.

I came back and my daughter was telling her Dad that he needed to stop being mean. Well, this pissed him off and he continued to talk about how I embarrassed him. We ordered and I ate my food in silence once it came to the table.

I was mortified.
I wanted to literally crawl underneath the table.
I was so mad I wanted to punch him in his fucking face.
For real!

We finished eating and drove to the movie place where we had to wait over 30 minutes for the movie to start. Hubs and I didn't speak the whole time.
Fucker.
I was still mad.

We went in to see Toy Story 3 and I sat by him even though I didn't want to. He whispered he was sorry but I was still not very happy.

Well, when we got home, he was all kissy kissy. I said I needed to go get gas and pick up a few things from the store. He said he would drive me.
So we went and then when we got home, he thought everything was good and that he might get some ass.
I don't think so!!

When I went on my evening walk, I was thinking about what happened this morning and it made me angry all over again! After I took a bath, I came into our room and told him how he made me feel and that I was not trying to embarrass him but he really really embarrassed me!

I am not mad anymore but I told him that next time I will leave before I get treated that way.
No, screw that, I told him I will never go out to breakfast with him ever again as long as I live!

Monster with no sleep

Ugh. My husband is not happy to be the only one getting up early. Now that I am off work I sleep a little later. I used to get up with him but now I am like, NO WAY!
The only bad thing is all of our bedrooms are on the same hallway and hubs is a light sleeper. So every little sound wakes him up and then he is pissy.
NOT FUN.

Sometimes the kids are not so careful when using the hallway bathroom and they shut the door a little too hard. Hubs gets woken up and does not go back to sleep for an hour or more and he has to wake up at 5:30 am. And we all hear about it when he gets home from work.

And he says that I am the one who can't go without sleep...whatever!

Another post where I complain

I want to bitch some more, okay????

1.My teen
Why does my teen fuss when I ask her to put up HER clothes that I folded and wipe down HER bathroom counter?? Seriously! She should have been me growing up when I had to do shit for hours and hours because my mom was a neat freak...ugh.

2. Facebook. Why are certain people such assholes on Facebook?? One girl who is a friend on FB made a comment about people changing their profile pic and fishing for compliments. Well, I like changing my pic and what the fuck is she so upset about?? Now I don't know if she directed this at me but it COULD have been directed at me but you know what I say, GET OVER IT ASSHOLE!

3. My husband
This man gripes that he never sleeps. So yesterday when he got off work, he went to sleep. So I didn't disturb him and tried to keep the kids quiet. He slept about 4 hours! When he woke up he commenced to bitching and bitching and bitching. Because he slept through his favorite show.
Are you fucking kidding me?? What would you rather do, sleep or watch tv??
SERIOUSLY.

Okay I am done!!

Things I hate

I hate mowing and being all itchy afterwards.

I hate disrespectful people, it is not all about you ASSHOLE!!

I hate it when people make comments about fat people. I am fat but I am trying to lose weight.

I hate it when people make judgments. I used to be one of those people, but I lost my job of 15 years and I had to get help with my kids' insurance. I have never asked for help, but I have never NOT worked either. I figure I have paid in for long enough so if I need a little help now, that is what it's for!!

I hate pimples. For some reason I am getting them a lot now ..WHAT THE HELL???

I hate when people feel others owe them something.

I hate being lied to.
I hate being avoided when I have done nothing wrong.

I hate being hurt.

What do you hate??

Plans

I have been mowing the last couple of days and my allergies are kicking it! My eyes are literally sore from all the leakage. Gross, huh??? I love to mow and think. I was missing my Grandpa today a lot. I wish my kids had Grandparents that gave a shit about them. Hubs Mom is always too "busy" to see them, and my Mom lives 5 hours away. My mom and I have gotten a lot closer lately and she does not bring the drama and gossip because I don't want to hear it!

We are visiting her in a few weeks but we are waiting because they are getting tornadoes galore right now! Next week hubs is off Thursday, Friday and the following Monday. I will probably take the kids to see Shrek on Tuesday or Wednesday.

What are your summer plans??

What's going on

Oh I haven't posted here in so long!! Well, I had finals last week and that was fun...not! But I am down to my last two classes..woot!!!

I started the 30 day shred yesterday. I did it again today. Oh yeah, it is good. I think I am going to like it and I have lost 10 pounds so far but have many many more to lose. I am feeling sexier and hubby is reaping the benefits!!!

I am watching a movie on Netflix about the Holocaust. So sad. I am crying.

Mothers day for my Mom

My hubby came home yesterday and helped me mow. Woot!!!!

We mowed for 2 hours and I got about 2 acres knocked out.

Now I won't have to kill myself mowing today.

I need to mail my mom her Mother's Day ring.

My sister, brother and I went in on her a Mother's ring.

It took awhile to get it made but it really turned out beautiful.

I think she will like it. It sort of looks like the pic above, but my Mom had 7 babies, 6 of us lived.

What is most important

Oh no, not preggers. I got my tubes tied when TC was born. Best decision I ever made!!!! I never did like the baby phase, my kids did not sleep. It was difficult to work after being up several times thru the night. I wonder how I made it most days!!!
I have never been one of those women who saw a baby and said, "Oh I want one!" Especially after having TC. TC was not a bad baby at all, but I have always been one who tries to have everything perfect. Perfect house, everything cleaned all the time. It is not doable if you are working and have 2 kids.
And I have learned that life is very short and we have to sometimes overlook a dirty house and just have fun. Our kids will remember going to the park, special times, and not that the house was dirty!

Hubby and I have had a lot of talks and both of us decided that we want to love each other and not fight and since I am home, I AM a lot more relaxed. I don't feel so stressed out trying to rip and run and get shit done!!

Good Lord

I have been Attacking my husband (sexually) lately. I think it is my hormones. Every time before I start my period, I want sex! This afternoon I was watching "Dog the Bounty Hunter" where they arrested a young boy. It was his first time being in trouble and he failed to appear in court.
Made me think of my nephew and my brothers. And I started crying.

Another side effect of those crazy ass hormones!!

Gettin' some

My husband is shocked at me and says I am turning into a sex fiend. I have initiated twice this week. Usually it is the other way around!!!

Maybe it is because I have more energy since being home. Maybe my hormones are in an uproar. I am not hearing any complaints from him though!!!!

Sara is upset because she thinks we have to have a weekend itinerary EVERY weekend. Well, yesterday I took her shopping for a little while. Then I got pizza. But today has been a "stay at home day" and an "eat whatever you can find day." Also she gave me a hard time because she has been with TC all day while I napped and spent some time with Hubs.
I am ready to take her to school tomorrow!!!

New stuff

Oh, Hubs wanted a tractor in order to mow/move dirt, etc... Unfortunately the tractor he wanted is over $6000 if it is in good shape. We only had $2000 to spend.

So we ended up getting just another riding lawnmower. It is really fancy, has cruise control, a gas gauge, and a little compartment to hold personal items. It is a 50" deck Cub Cadet mower. Pretty SWEET. I have attached a photo.

I had lunch with my sister yesterday. Today I mowed for 2 hours. Then I came in and did homework and laundry. Tomorrow I am supposed to meet a previous coworker for lunch. Thursday my other friend and I are going to see..."Why Did I get Married Too" and Friday I am meeting two other coworkers for lunch.
Busy week!!!

I am lovin' it.


Hubs and I got into another "discussion" over his wanting a tractor. I am so fucking sick of hearing about tractors that I could scream. We have one riding lawnmower but will probably buy another one because we have 4 1/2 acres. A tractor that he wants is over $3000 so that is sooooo not happening. So that is why we got into an argument.......... ummm discussion.

Ch Ch Ch Changes

I have been painting a lot this week. I did Sara's room and the hallway, the door to the master bedroom, one wall in the livingroom and I am sore!!! The good news is that I have lost 7 pounds so far. I mostly eat high protein and lots and lots of salads. I have had some emotional days because I am not used to being home so much. I miss my coworkers. Isn't that crazy??? Well, I have worked my whole life so this being home is taking some getting used to. But so far, I am staying busy!!!!

Good so far

Well, we have actually had a really good weekend. I may mow a little today if my allergies calm down! TC is drawing, hubs is fooling with the fishing stuff, and Sara is on the home computer. Hopefully today will continue to be good. I need to have positive things going on!!

Irritated

Today did not start off well. I woke up at 4 a.m. cramping like a mother dog. I took something but decided to stay up and watch tv. Woke the hubs up at 5:30 and he was having muscle spasms in his back...but he won't take his muscle relaxers. WTF?

He said he needs to really stay home for a few months and recuperate but now that I am not working he can't just take off without pay. I mean what the hell am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to pay the bills ?
I was crying and he called me and we talked.
I was feeling better about things and I went to get some paint to touch up some walls that have scuffs, marks, etc on them here at the house.

I got an e mail from TC's teacher saying he called her a bitch so I decided to pick him up instead of having him ride the bus home. I picked up Sara too and took them to McDonald's. I talked to TC about not saying bad words at school.

Then I came home and showed hubs the paint. He flipped out!
He was mad because I wanted to paint! I bought the same color we already have on the walls so I am not sure what his problem was...but he said something like, "You don't even know how to paint!"
I was thinking "Did I not paint at our old house?"

Well, I was upset, naturally. I had already stressed out all day and I didn't think the paint was a big deal, I didn't buy crazy colors, just the antique white that we already have on the walls.
I came in TC's room and sat on the bed.
Hubs eventually found me and he said, "What brought this on? When did you decide to paint?"

I told him that I am going to paint when he and the kids are at school so what was his problem with that??? This went on for awhile and eventually he said that he feels the things I do HE should be doing but he can't because of his back. I told him I enjoy doing things around here and I understand his back is bad but he needs to get off my case.


I am going to make some independent decisions from time to time and as long as they are not detrimental to our lives, he needs to just deal with it. I told him his communication skills suck and he really needs to work on them because our marriage is suffering because of his ego!

I have reconnected with some old friends and I am enjoying myself and for once things are starting to be about me!!

Oh no she di-n't

I was talking to a friend today. She is lucky enough to stay home with her baby. Her baby will be a year old next month. She made a comment about how lucky she is to be able to stay home and raise her baby and how fortunate she is that someone else is not raising her kid.
Well, this pissed me off.
See, I have always worked. Both of my babies went to daycare.
I felt, rather than be on welfare, I wanted to work and provide for my family.
We have never been well off enough for me to stay home.
That is just my reality.
I told her that I don't feel I missed out on too much and besides what choice did I have?
I had to work to provide a good life for my kids and to have good insurance.
I said I get tired of the stay at home moms judging the working moms and vice versa.
We are all Mom's doing the best we can do!

Good Easter

We had a good Easter. Yesterday we went to the inlaws. And today I went to my friend's Mom's house where the kids got to hunt eggs again...or TC did, Sara is a little too old! My husband did not want to go but was sort of acting an ass this morning and I told him that I am grown, do nothing wrong, and if I want to go to my friend's I will go.

I guess he got over it because when I got home, he was cooking and doing dishes.

So, how was your Easter??

Marriage

I have been watching a lot of Netflix movies. I watched a documentary today called "the farmer#s wi*fe" and it was very interesting. In this film there was a couple who had married young and began farming right away. They started a family right away as well.

After they were married a few years, the weather caused their crop to be bad, for years. They continued to struggle and their marriage suffered as well. He was a very very hard worker. And she cleaned houses 2 days a week while her older two kids were in school. She was bitter about having to work and not be a stay at home mom. Needless to say, most of his thoughts were about the farm but he also worked a full time job on the side so they could afford to eat! They had no clue about finances but finally she started learning about the farm finances once they were about to lose everything. She also started school in order to get an associates in business.

The thing is through the entire documentary she blamed him for her not being able to be a stay at home mom. She was upset he was so fixated on the farm. Her family members(brothers and sisters) were highly successful and were not happy about her being so poor and they let her know it all the time. The more she listened to them, the more she began to be negative towards her husband. He went to counseling with her because she wanted him to and their marriage did get better.
For awhile.

I read (after I watched this documentary) that they got divorced shortly after it aired. It made me a little sad. Not only for them but for their kids as well. I think they really loved each other but finances and things that were said had taken their toll.

Anybody who is married, or has been married, knows it is hard. Sometimes I lose my shit on my husband. He has a lot of health problems, mainly his back. His last MRI showed cracks in his lower vertebrae. Where this woman got frustrated because her husband did not spend enough time with his kids, I feel the same way but for completely different reasons. My husband cannot physically do a lot due to his back, and her husband was breaking his back to try to make a go of the farm and also work a full time job. To me he was quite a man but she always wanted more. Yet I know how hard it is to have financial problems.

Hopefully they are both in a much better place with their new spouses..both have remarried. He is still farming and she is working for the farm tax department. I guess what I am saying is we all have our battles and it is up to us how to deal with them. My husband and I are doing well and I am receiving more understanding from him on how I feel. I am also less stressed because I am home full time (for now) and I have free time just to do what I want for a change!!

We will see what the future holds, sometimes we just never know.

Last days

Tomorrow is my last day at work. I can't help but be excited and also a little sad.
I got married right after I started working here.
Had both of my babies while working here.
I have gone through a lot of changes and growing up as I have worked here over the years.
To think I was 21 when I started working here. Hubs and I were newly in love.
Now I am soon to be 37 and I have learned a lot in the last 15 1/2 years.

I have learned that people are fickle.
Watch who you befriend because they can take things you tell them in confidence and use them against you.
If there are one or two people you can trust, feel blessed.
Stay out of the drama.
It took me awhile to learn this one but now I stay out of the drama and my life is a lot easier!

When I find a new job I plan on staying pretty much to myself and not getting too close to my coworkers for a long time, if ever.
Women are snakes!

I got my way after all!

I am so excited!! I was invited by a friend to visit on Easter and have a big dinner with her family. I told my husband and he had a huge fit! He said, "We are going to Mom's"
So I had decided I would see my friend another time.

However, my mother in law called me today and said she wanted to do Easter on Saturday, not Sunday!
So now I am going to both.
Woo freaking hoo!

Nanny nanny boo boo hubs!

I am off the next two days and my last day to work is this Thursday.
Then I am planning on changing a lot of things, including my weight.
I want to get healthier. I am excited!

Brothers

Things are going well here. Other than this crazy cold spell we have again in Tx. I didn't even go out all day today. My Mom called and told me about my two crazy brothers, both have been in jail and I am so over their sorry asses.

I want to ask her, "Where were you when I needed you? Hell, I had to grow up at a very young age because we were fucking homeless at 15." My sister was molested for years by our stepdad. Unbeknownst to me, and why she never told me I will never understand.

But my sorry loser brothers get all the attention. They have both been offered chance after chance after chance. They have both been to rehab. Neither of them will work or do anything to make an effort. They only think of themselves! I am just tired of them.

I have helped both of them financially but I am done. I work and I will take care of me and mine and they need to get a life and get a JOB!

Last days

As of next week, I will be unemployed. It has been a long run. 15+ years at this job. I married my husband while working here and I had both of my babies and came back to work 6 weeks later. I have had days when I loved this job and days when I hated it (or should I say the people I work with). It has been a good ride.
Now it is time to get off this ride and start all over again somewhere else.
I hope the next one lasts the rest of my life.
I am not liking this change too much!

Today they fed us Mexican food.
We had a good time.
I will miss it.

I'm back!

Gosh, I haven't posted here in so long. I hate it when people apologize for not posting so I won't do that.

Wow, a lot has been going on. They did not have the funeral til' last Thursday. She did not look that good, you could see bruises under her makeup where they tried to work on her. I am pretty sure she overdosed on pain meds.

My brother left for several days and my Mom and I tried to visit Laura's family and help the kids out when needed. The service was sad and a little crazy. Then Laura's sister posted pics on Facebook of her in her casket.
Creeeeeepy.

Things are finally back to normal at my house. I tell my kids they need to stop misbehaving and appreciate me more, we just never know when it is our time to go!

Marriage and Death

Things are better.

Hubs is making an effort.
We will see what happens.

Dealing with a death in the family right now so I am just going to be there for my brother and his kids. His ex wife passed this morning and she was only 33.

Love is...

I am listening to music, Shakira's "Underneath Your Clothes". It is making me cry. I know that I love my husband and I know his heart.
Sometimes you get lost in life.
It is hard.

During the difficult times with my crazy family, this man has had my back. He has held me when I cried, he has been there for me thru my crazy ass antics, and my family's too.

I miss how things were when we met. Hell, we were 21, so in love, and nobody could tell us anything. We married after 3 short months and had a baby the next year. It was hard, but we made it.

It is still hard.
There are days when I wonder if we will make it.
And there are others when I know we will.
I am taking it one day at a time.

It is not easy.
I have reached out.
I have pulled back.
I am waiting patiently.
We will see how things go but I am leaving it in God's hands.
I have prayed about things and I feel at peace.

Can love conquer all?
We shall see.

Love is powerful.
Love is hard as hell at times too.

Up in the air

I just wanted to say that I know I go back and forth on my marriage!
My husband is perfectly happy if his world is okay. He shows me love all the time, but he is just lazy as hell.

I am not a quitter. I do not want a divorce. I want things to change.
I have suggested counseling but he refuses.

What am I supposed to do??
He does not think he does things wrong but that I am just crazy because I complain about things.

I want to get Sara through high school before doing anything rash. She will be a freshman next year.
I think a divorce would affect her worse than TC.
I don't want to be a statistic and become divorced, I just want things to change.

My sister's husband does not help her either and she feels how I feel, we love them but we are tired. We are good women and we work hard at home and at work. We just want some help.
Women who work away from the home totally get this. Her husband was off yesterday and in town and she asked him to get her a burrito and he acted an ass! Told her he had things to do and he wasn't going to get her anything! Asshole! They have been married 19 years.

Zephra, I remember you saying you went on strike once. And that it did not work.
Sometimes I just don't say anything about needing help, because when I do, things don't change anyway.

Some days I feel helpless. If it were only me, I would have been gone a long time ago, but it is not just me.

I'm all out of love

Well, if you read my living in tx blog you will see how my week went last week.
Go herehttp://www.crazyintx-kristi.blogspot.com to read about it.

I came home yesterday and lost my shit on the Hubs.
I mean, HELL, he has laid in the damn bed for 4 days and as usual I am the one handling everything.

I took the kids to my sister's and come home and started cooking. Hubs thinks he has to come in the kitchen to supervise me. I asked him was his nut any better and his reaction, "Well, I think I need surgery."
Fuck me.
He is not even on day 4 of the antibiotics and it is a 7 day prescription.
I totally lost it and told him. I told him how stressed out I am.
How he never feels good and he never helps me do anything, even take out the trash.
How he wants sympathy 24/7 and I have nothing left to give after taking care of everything that has to be done around the house.

His reaction, "Well, I don't like feeling bad either."

I am so over him having something wrong with him all the fucking time! I really am!

I daydream about being by myself.
Living by myself with the kids.
Is this how love is supposed to be??
Because I am not feeling the love lately.

It is always something

My husband called me today saying his right ball is hurting.
I think he may have hurt himself at work lifting a shelf.
Shit, he may have a hernia.

I told him that he is falling apart and I am about to put him out to pasture.

We finally got someone to fix our road, it cost us $450.
Maybe hubs will shut up about wanting a tractor.
But probably not!

Now he is saying he wants a boat.
Ugh.
Lord help me!

Funny but true

So yesterday my husband said something to me he thought was funny. It wasn't! I told him I hope he can figure out how to suck his own *ick because I won't be doing it anymore! This photo was funny and goes with my story so I had to share!

Sucky feeling

My sinuses are kicking my ass!
Sara called because she messed her clothes up at school so I left work to get her and I came home and laid down.
I still don't really feel well. I was going to buy groceries but I don't feel like it.
I have to work tomorrow...guess I will go after work.
Yes, I have to work tomorrow.
BLAH.

I have felt very sad all week and I guess that has caused me to be a little run down.
I can't wait to get my homework done, get a hot bath, and go to bed.

Then you really might know what it's like

Here is a great video that I try to watch occasionally.

I try to remain humble and think about the situation people are in before I judge. I realize that many are simply not very strong emotionally. They do not have the coping skills to move past things.

I have addicts in my family who I have tried to show love to. Sometimes I think they get it, yet other days I think they only care about their addictions and using people. Then I pray for them. If I speak to them, I always try to tell them I love them. I hope they know that I love them regardless of what they choose, but I want them to be functioning, independent adults.

Ultimately, people need a chance to change.

Urban Dictionary

Urban Dictionary.

Verbal Handcuffs:

When someone won't stop talking (usually about a subject you have no interest in). The talker has verbally forced you to stand there there and listen, even though you have given many clues that you have checked out. Examples: vacant stares, looking at your watch, checking your phone, answering in short one word phrases.

Girl 1 :So then I realized my cat really likes Meow Mix more than Frisky's but only if I mix it with Fancy Feast.
Girl 2: (Stares blankly)
Girl 1: Unless of course it's Chicken Livers from 9 Lives, Snowball loves that. It's her favorite.
Girl 2: Uh-huh.
Girl 1: Of course on her birthday I give her the good stuff, real tuna!
Girl 2: (Thinks fuck me, verbal handcuffs)

TMI

Things are good here, the kids really enjoyed the snow over the weekend. I took a personal day today. Hubs and I went to Wal Mart today to get a few things, I needed a new printer/fax/scanner and I got a little video camera. It was cheap but it does okay. I want to be able to make videos of the kids, they are growing up!! My digital camera does this too but the camera I got can be hooked up to the tv for watching as well.

Hubs and I went to Applebees for lunch, it was really good. And it was nice to have some time away while the kids were at school.
We have a few more things we need to get with income tax.
I am hoping we can find a tractor for a decent amount, we have a lot of dirt and road work that needs to be done on our land. We have 4 acres and this constant rain has all but washed away our road, it is a mess!

Things are looking up and I am trying to not be on hub's ass all the time. Also lots of great sex over the weekend helped too!

Random

I can't believe it is snowing today. How crazy is that? We hardly EVER get snow in Tx!!

Today I am wearing my shirt that says,
"Sarcasm is just another free service that I offer."

Yesterday I wore one that said,
"I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was going to blame you."

I sure could have slept another 2 hours more this morning.
TC really loved the snow and I took some cute pics of him in the snow before school.

Sara called me in hysterics after school yesterday because she made a 75 in Math. Now, I know math is difficult but she has not been really trying. I mean, the girl never brings home homework. So I told her that she is not getting sympathy from me. I told her to show us she can make an effort for goodness sakes!

Work...blah

I am ready to be off work!

We have the first one readily available. Get it??? Available?!!??

Looks like I got this one figured out!!!

I love these!

Marriage and its bumps

I have considered counseling for me, my hubby refuses to go.

Let me say I am a huge communicator. I want to work problems out with my husband. That is why I sat down and talked to him last night.

I hope I got through, we talked for over an hour.
I told him how he made me feel and he acknowledged it and apologized.

I know that I am hard on people but I expect things from my husband.
I want him to be present and accountable and apologize when he is wrong.

I don't think that is too much to ask for.

We have had a long road together.
We only dated 3 months before marrying.
Lots of baggage from our childhood.
He was an alcoholic before we married and he has not gone backwards, not one time.

He has Mama issues.... his Mom is a whole 'nother story.
She had him at 14.
I know she loves him but she does not even see our kids unless we go to her house.
She has pets and TC is allergic but I do try to make an effort.
I am doing better!!

His Dad was killed in a motorcycle accident before we met.
They were very close but his Dad was "not right" after an accident in the army.
He introduced Hubs to alcohol at 9 years old.

Don't get me wrong blogger friends, my husband is a good man.
But he drives me fucking insane a lot of the time.

I will keep trying.
Because I love him.
And I love our kids.
And we have a good life, we really do.

I never imagined I could have all I do. And be happier than I ever thought possible.

This is just another bump in the road and we will get past it.

She don't rub my back anymore

OMG my Mom called me this morning with drama about my brothers. It is all in my Living in Tx blog.

N-T ways, did I tell y'all that my husband's mom is taking him Friday to the dentist. Ha! He didn't even tell me he needed a ride, I asked him and he said, "Well I can drive myself." Mmmkay then.
So now she is taking him.
Glad they got that all worked out.
LOL.

So yep, we had a long talk last night and I told him that he hurt me when he blamed me for him not going to the dentist YEARS ago. I mean, this man has not gone to the dentist since TC was a baby, TC is 8!!
I have been fussing for him to go but damn, I get tired of being the one to babysit a grown ass man. So I waited til' he made his own appointment which he never freakin' did!!
I made him an appointment last week for this weeks visit.

He told me I am not sympathetic enough and even after he had back surgery, I didn't come in the room to rub his back or anything!

I told him that I am sorry that his Mom coddled and babied him so much, I never had that. My mom had 4 kids and too much drama to babysit me. Hell, I was tough even as a kid because I was the baby girl and nobody babied me! I had to grow a thick skin really quick! Or get my ass beat a lot. Then when I was 10, she had Kyle and when I was 15, she had Robby. So I had to help take care of them.

And as for me not rubbing his back, I was trying to take care of two kids, work and handle all of the household crap, mow, pay bills, all while worrying about him and his recuperation. I did take off work a whole week to be home with him. But shoot me because I didn't have any time left to take a shit!

Oh that conversation had me really ready to spit nails. But I do feel better today and I am hoping he is not in too much pain AFTER the root canal or I may have to go rent a room and get away from him. Of course I will take the kids with me too.

Maybe.

Seriously?

You know, why do people have to be assholes?
I sent a cute e mail to a few of my blogger friends and a few of my friends I know in person.
One of the blogger people sent me a reply that said,"Kristi if you send me anything, don't do it in a mass e mail. I don't want people seeing my e mail address. I get too much spam and other crap and I don't want to get that stuff."

EXCUUUUUUUUUUUUSE ME!
DAYUM.

I am sure now that all of my friends are going to send her spam.
Because that's what I do in my spare time, how about you??
Give me a break.
JEEZ!

Shit, lighten up person!

On a good news front, I had a long talk with my husband and I told him that he is not very fair to me and how he makes me feel like shit a lot.
And he said, "yeah, I do that a lot, huh?"

You think??

Well, atleast he acknowledged my feelings.

Update

Not feeling so hot today. I am trying to lay low so I don't bite anybody's head off. The total dental bill to fix my hubby's mouth is $2200 so I am planning on keeping the dental insurance once I leave my job. At least until we can get a lot of his mouth fixed.

I hate that he procrastinates on things until it HAS to be done. Yep I like taking care of things but not everything and it gets old.

My jacuzzi tub is used nightly and if not I would have probably killed him by now!!

PMS, MP3, and rocking out

Oh yeah, my job ends on March 31st. I am counting down the days. My boss left me alone today. I am on my period and had that "don't fuck with me" look.

Plus my husband called me acting an ass and I had to go off on him.
He had the nerve to hang up on me and when I called him back he would not answer his phone.

Oh HELL NO!!

I sent him a text and told him about himself.
I came home and gave him dirty looks because I am a child like that.

Then I listened to my MP3 for 2 hours and chatted with Bina, my friend Jaime, and my Mom on Facebook.
While attempting to do a little homework.

I am a rock star.

Cowboy Take Me Away is playing on my MP3 right now.
It makes me think of my past.

Some days I wish I could go back to the times when my husband and I were madly in love. I watch home videos of when Sara was around 3 years old and oh my gosh, we were so in love.

I love him.
I truly do.

But things in our marriage have not been easy.

We married after 3 months of dating. We were so crazy in love.

There were things I didn't know about him.

I found out he hadn't filed taxes for 2 years which resulted in a payment plan to the IRS.
I was making around $5.40 an hour and he was making not much more than that.
I was pregnant with Sara at the time.

I was fiercly independent and his Mom hated that we married so soon.
She would bring boxes of food over until she finally "got it" that he would get fed.
And he did get fed well!!

He would tell her things about me and I knew she did not like me much.


He had his first major surgery when I was pregnant with TC.
He had a tumor in his leg.
I was 8 months pregnant and stayed overnight in the hospital.
The nurse kicked me out of the room and I slept in the waiting room, scared to death.
He was hurting and made me cry, he was very irritated and I was very sensitive.
It was pretty horrible.

Once we were home,
I had to hold everything together, work, plus take Sara to her activities at school.
With no help from any family whatsoever.

Then after TC was born, hubs started having back problems.
And it has been going on for the last 8 years.
Several procedures and back surgeries and time off and sick days.
For him.
And most of the time he is sick with one thing or another.
Right now it is his teeth...which I have told him to go to the dentist for the last several years and he didn't. Finally I made him an appointment and he has over $2200 worth of work needing to be done. And I am about to be unemployed.

It has been hard. And through it all, I have worked and held it together.
I know I am strong.

But some days I want to be weak, you know??
Some days I want to be the one who rests while someone else takes care of things.
The cooking, cleaning, bills, kids, taxes, car repairs, outside work, and more.

Sometimes I just get sad.

He says I am too loud but I think I have to be independent and speak my mind.
My life has not been easy and I had to learn so much the hard way. I was on my own at 17.
I got taken advantage of. I refuse to NOT speak my mind.
If not, everything would probably fall apart.

And some days I long for the days when he was in good shape. I wish he felt better.
I wish I didn't feel so alone some days.

Sometimes I long for the beginning.
It was really fantastic.

I pray that we can make it. Some days I have my doubts.
I do my very best because I love my babies too and they need us both.

And maybe it's just that I am on my period today and maybe tomorrow will be better.
But I miss those young fools who were so deeply in love.
I really do.

Dude that sucks!

So I just got word that I will be here until the end. Some people get to go home and get paid thru March. I won't be one of those people who get to sit on my ass at home and get paid. I actually have to come here and work til March 31st.

Damnit damnit damnit!

(stomping off in disgust)

My boss is an asshole

Nope, I have never attended anger management. And if you knew my boss, you would understand why she drives me fucking nuts.

At one time, I shared some things with her confidentially and she ran and told what I said. Let me say, it is very hard for me to trust others and when my confidence is betrayed, one strike and that is all it takes.

When I called her on it, she lied to my face.

We are all human but when you do something, own up to it. Personally I think she is a scared little rabbit on the inside and she tries to pull reverse psychology bull crap on everyone. It does not work with me.

I brought the dvd player up here to listen to the last 10 minutes of the movie while I worked. The other ladies up here watch videos all day long and nothing gets said. But she has already talked shit to 3 other people about me "watching a movie." Give me a break.

OMG my boss is working my nerves

Do you ever have those days when you just don't want anybody fucking with you?? I mean, I was good until I got to work. I brought a portable DVD player up here to listen to the last 10 minutes of a movie. Hell, the other girls up here watch videos all day long on their computers but my old ass computer does not have speakers so I can't do that.

So you know my boss is nosey ass and she came in my office asking all about my portable dvd player.. I had my movie going with one earplug in my ear.
She said, "What is that?"
I said, "It's a thing."
And she said, "Well, what is it, I don't have one?"
I said, "It's a thing to watch stuff on."

I just love jacking with her.
I could tell she was getting pissed.

I said, "Well, what is it you came in here for?"
So she told me some bull about stores being moved.
Like I freakin' care. I am so over this place!!
Send me home already!! FUUUUUUUUUUCK.

And she started back in with the questions.
"Oh so that is to watch movies on? Like dvd's??"
And I said, "Yep, it sure is."

Finally she got a clue and left my office.
I wanted to punch her in her face.
And her counterpart keeps fucking coming in here too.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!

Just venting

Sorry I bitch so much about my husband on here. But this is my main place to vent. I do love him, hell we have been through so much together.

It's just that as I get older, I change and he is not changing much. And someone can claim they are perfect, but none of us are, right??

Anyways, thanks for the ear and not judging me. I need to hurry up and start my period. And my husband came home and did dishes and put up laundry yesterday. He was really proud of himself!

Taxes and prickhead husbands

It's tax time!! I sort of finished doing mine online last night but I don't know my daycare amount that I paid in. I sort of guesstimated but they have to print me off a statement today. We have to fix our road and fix hubby's truck. It never goes far enough, does it?

Let me change the subject now.

Do you ever feel that even though someone loves you that they don't like you very much? Sometimes I feel that way about my husband. He pissed me off last night and I was like, "Okay then, see if I get up and start your damn truck tomorrow or fix your lunch." And under my breath, "Fucker!" Everytime he doesn't like something I say, he calls me big mouth or crazy. And those are my hot buttons, don't push them or all hell will break loose. I told him if he calls me either of those again, it will be the LAST time he does.

And I told my sister if he comes up missing, don't tell anybody he is up under the swimming pool.
Shhhh , y'all please don't tell either.
Thanks!

Update on Mom

Last night I got home after I got McD's for the family for dinner. Sara had tutoring til' almost 5 and I just figured it would be easier. I accidentally forgot to have them remove the tomato/onion from hubby's burger and he had a big fit about it. He went on and on and I told him I was sorry, I just have a lot on my mind but he really needed to just get over it already! It is a freaking hamburger, shut up!

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

I was really stressed out about the situation with my Mom and she called me yesterday while I was at lunch but I chose to not answer my phone. I just didn't want to hear her bashing my stepdad and taking zero responsibility for her actions.

You made your damn bed, now lie in it!!
If she ends up single then it is by her own actions.

Intervention

OMG, so I love the show intervention. Did anybody catch the one with Vinnie? That is my mom and younger brother ROBBY to a tee !!

My brother was in Job Core and my Mom drove him back and forth every weekend...bought his cigarettes, and took care of him financially for 6 months. Then he didn't even finish and moved in with my nut job sister Ginger instead.

OMFG.

My Mom was still supplying him money, a cell phone and when Ginger left, my Mom was over there buying him food. He had a job at Burger King, which he quit and he just got evicted.

Now my other brother Kyle is over there as well because my older bro Dean kicked him out because he is 27, getting high daily, and has not tried to find a job either. It is just a mess. And my Mom is having problems in her marriage because her husband told her to make a decision between him and my brother Robby.

She now says she is going to get a divorce. And live where? I guess she will move in with my two younger brothers and take care of them. Hell, she is 56 years old and works and neither of them do. But she is sick because she stays tied in to that damn drama all the time and is going to lose a good man over it.

She said she has been going to Al Anon but she hasn't been going consistently and she is codependant on the bullshit drama. It is really sad.

Oh yeahs

Well, I didn't get my margarita, but the hot sex thing...yep.

I am happy today!!

Unemployed

So we had our unemployment meeting this morning. The TX workforce came to our job to talk to us about filing, how we do it, etc...

It was almost 2 hours long.

A lot of info to take in but it gives me hope that we will be okay til' I find a new job. Hell, we will be okay regardless and I will find a job.

Right now I could use a margarita and some hot sex though.

Started out shitty, ended up funny

Oh my God. My husband pissed me off so bad today.
I wanted to punch him in his face for real.
He is such a dick, I swear.
He was mad because he wanted sex BUT we made plans with the in-laws to have lunch at their house...so he was not getting sex right before we left. He was pissed at me and I was so mad that I didn't speak to him the whole way. Once we got there, I told him to stay away from me and he told me to not talk to him.

My reply, "No problem, asshole."

Luckily the men left after lunch to go look at guns and they even took TC. So my sis in law came and brought her girlfriend and we played Taboo. Sara was there too.

My sis in law asked did hubby still have his handcuffs?
I almost spit my drink out.
I said, "Amber, I don't think you need to ask me those questions with your Mom, my mother in law sitting right here!"
Then she busted out laughing and said, "Oh, I meant his numchucks!"

That was fricking hilarious.

Then, I had to try to get my team to guess the word "cockroach". I got them to answer the roach part, then I said, "Okay, this is another part of the word...and Amber's g/f said "COCK!"

O M G, y'all, I died laughing and almost fell out of my damn chair.
My mother in law does not talk about sex EVER.
And I am pretty sure she does not ever say the word cock either!

That was priceless.
And it put me in a great mood!

But my husband is still a jackass!

Stupid

Yep, I deleted my post and hopefully nobody saw it.

I don't want to do anything stupid.
I am not going to jeopardize relationships for selfish reasons.
I know some people tell us what we want to hear for their own gain.

My husband is reaching out to his Mom, we are going to her house tomorrow.
I hope 2010 brings forth a lot of positive things including a new shiny job for me!

I still can't believe after March 31st I will be jobless.

My family is crazy as hell

So I get home yesterday and I was in a good mood suprisingly. Sara cracked me up asking were we moving to South Carolina? And I was like, "HELLS NO!" She sighed in relief because her friend told her South Carolina has the highest teen pregnancy rate in the U.S.
WHAT THE FUCK?

Anyways, I sat down and my husband told me his plan is for me to be a stay at home Mom. Geez. He had it all worked out complete with, "We are selling the house and moving into an apartment."

Again, WHAT THE FUCK?

He has lost his damn mind. For reals.

For once I was not the one freaking out, he was. I told him that I am going to use my severance and unemployment and we will be fine and NO we are not selling our house and I am not going to be a stay at home Mom. I will get a damn job and that will be that!

It was nice to see him

It was nice to see my brother. Unfortunately, my husband smelled dope on him. It broke my heart. He is in Oklahoma but is doing the same ol' things.

He will probably go back to Montana.

His choice.

It is sad but he is damn near 30 years old.

Fuckers

Well, it's official.
I am being dumped.

By my job, that is.
As of March 31st, my job is closing down.

Am I scared?
Yep.
I will get a nice severance package which hopefully will tide us over until I find something else.
I PRAY I find something else and soon!!

But listen to this.
As soon as the meeting was over, the HR lady and her boss and another girl in the office all left and stayed gone almost 2 hours. Eating breakfast.

Which I think is pretty fucked up.

You tell us we are closing and then you haul ass for 2 hours. And you are fucking HR!! People have questions but all you want to do is stuff your face with pancakes.
STUPID BITCH.

Family visit

The visit with my mom and brother was pretty good, I will post more details later.

My Grandparents

Me, my Grandma and 2 sisters. I am in the tacky blue suit!

Grandpa holding Kyle (my bro) and Joseph (Nephew).

My Grandparents, Maggie and Jesse Joyce Weaver.

Grandma loved to dance and sing.

Grandpa loved to garden.

He could always beat me in checkers.

They bickered a lot but they loved each other.

The loved us grand kids and had us over every other weekend, or more.

They had a tiny house but it was filled with love.

Grandma didn't believe in drying clothes in the dryer.

We always had to help her hang clothes on the line.

She taught us to cook and loved to make us happy with food. (hmm...why am I fat? LOL!)

Grandpa loved to take us fishing with cane poles.

I sure miss them a lot.

Things can change very quickly

I talked to a friend today on Facebook who told me they are losing their home. She works in real estate and her husband drives a truck for a lumber supply company.

They are moving into an RV at her pastor's house.
I tried to encourage her tell her I am praying for her.

The thing is, when my job goes away, I am GOING to have to find a job really soon.
Or we will be in the same boat.

If I get a severance and if I find a job very soon, we will be fine and I can pay off my car.
All I can do is pray about it and hope that things work out.

But just like my friend said, "As long as we are together, it will be okay."

Still, it is scary!

Ch ch changes

I am conciously making changes in my marriage. I am not jumping down my husband's throat every time he says or does something I disagree with. I am thinking before I speak... and I am not yelling everytime I get angry.

Don't get me wrong, I am not perfect, and I do still get mad and raise my voice, but I think more about what I want to say before I just say it.

My husband is trying harder too and I tell him what I need instead of staying pissed because he doesn't KNOW what I need him to do. When I ask him, he does the things I need him to do.

I am trying to be more intimate. I try to hug and kiss my husband more. I text him throughout the day just to let him know I love him. I drive home with a smile on my face, ready to see him. I feel a sense of calmness that I have not felt in a long time.

I feel happy.

Once I hated her

There is a girl at work named Stephanie.
At one point and time I really loathed her.
She came to work here a couple of years ago.
She was a know-it-all.
She made no qualms about getting in close with the boss.
Kissing her ass.

They went on several business trips together.

At one point and time, Stephanie and I got into it.
I yelled at her and she yelled back.
We didn't really speak unless it was absolutely necessary after that.

Over the holidays, we had to work on the same customer support site.
And we started actually getting along.
She has a teen daughter and so do I.

She has talked openly about being gay.
Last week, she and I were talking about the Twilight series.
She just started reading the books.
She commented that she wished she could have a love like Edward and Bella and how she gets lonely.
I told her that everybody should have that.
She told me about her first relationship with a woman, up until then, she had only dated men.
And she told me how this woman broke her heart.

I felt really sad for her.
I know what it is like to be heartbroken. Been there, done that.
I told her my sister in law is gay and at first how nobody believed it.
But it really didn't matter to me. I think my Mother In Law really had a difficult time.
Stephanie told me her own mother was in denial and asked when she would get out of that phase.

I hope she finds someone, we do all deserve to be loved.

Texting is fun

Yes, I have finally started texting. I am lame and slow.
But I am sort of having fun with it.
I sent my husband a sexy text today.
He was driving and had to pull over!

LOL.

Get a grip

What is wrong with people?? This one chic who reads my other blogs, and is my friend on facebook can be such a beyotch.

Don't put your New Year's Resolution as "I want to be more Christ like" and then make ugly comments all the time on people's profiles.

PULEEZE just be nice or say nothing at all.

This is the same person who claims she "can't work" because her son is autistic, well hell, so is mine and I work every day.

While I believe we all are entitled to our opinions, you can state your opinion without being such a bitch all of the time. DAMN.

Do certain's peoples claws just always have to come out??

OM to the G

So I text Hubby through the day and that way if he makes me mad, nobody has to know.
He told me earlier he "didn't think about it" but he needs gas in his truck.
DUDE, he carried around the debit card for 4 days.

How in the hell do you FORGET to get gas?
WTF?