Wednesday, February 24, 2010
I think he may have hurt himself at work lifting a shelf.
Shit, he may have a hernia.
I told him that he is falling apart and I am about to put him out to pasture.
We finally got someone to fix our road, it cost us $450.
Maybe hubs will shut up about wanting a tractor.
But probably not!
Now he is saying he wants a boat.
Lord help me!
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Friday, February 19, 2010
Sara called because she messed her clothes up at school so I left work to get her and I came home and laid down.
I still don't really feel well. I was going to buy groceries but I don't feel like it.
I have to work tomorrow...guess I will go after work.
Yes, I have to work tomorrow.
I have felt very sad all week and I guess that has caused me to be a little run down.
I can't wait to get my homework done, get a hot bath, and go to bed.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Here is a great video that I try to watch occasionally.
I try to remain humble and think about the situation people are in before I judge. I realize that many are simply not very strong emotionally. They do not have the coping skills to move past things.
I have addicts in my family who I have tried to show love to. Sometimes I think they get it, yet other days I think they only care about their addictions and using people. Then I pray for them. If I speak to them, I always try to tell them I love them. I hope they know that I love them regardless of what they choose, but I want them to be functioning, independent adults.
Ultimately, people need a chance to change.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
When someone won't stop talking (usually about a subject you have no interest in). The talker has verbally forced you to stand there there and listen, even though you have given many clues that you have checked out. Examples: vacant stares, looking at your watch, checking your phone, answering in short one word phrases.
Girl 1 :So then I realized my cat really likes Meow Mix more than Frisky's but only if I mix it with Fancy Feast.
Girl 2: (Stares blankly)
Girl 1: Unless of course it's Chicken Livers from 9 Lives, Snowball loves that. It's her favorite.
Girl 2: Uh-huh.
Girl 1: Of course on her birthday I give her the good stuff, real tuna!
Girl 2: (Thinks fuck me, verbal handcuffs)
Monday, February 15, 2010
Hubs and I went to Applebees for lunch, it was really good. And it was nice to have some time away while the kids were at school.
We have a few more things we need to get with income tax.
I am hoping we can find a tractor for a decent amount, we have a lot of dirt and road work that needs to be done on our land. We have 4 acres and this constant rain has all but washed away our road, it is a mess!
Things are looking up and I am trying to not be on hub's ass all the time. Also lots of great sex over the weekend helped too!
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Today I am wearing my shirt that says,
"Sarcasm is just another free service that I offer."
Yesterday I wore one that said,
"I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was going to blame you."
I sure could have slept another 2 hours more this morning.
TC really loved the snow and I took some cute pics of him in the snow before school.
Sara called me in hysterics after school yesterday because she made a 75 in Math. Now, I know math is difficult but she has not been really trying. I mean, the girl never brings home homework. So I told her that she is not getting sympathy from me. I told her to show us she can make an effort for goodness sakes!
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Let me say I am a huge communicator. I want to work problems out with my husband. That is why I sat down and talked to him last night.
I hope I got through, we talked for over an hour.
I told him how he made me feel and he acknowledged it and apologized.
I know that I am hard on people but I expect things from my husband.
I want him to be present and accountable and apologize when he is wrong.
I don't think that is too much to ask for.
We have had a long road together.
We only dated 3 months before marrying.
Lots of baggage from our childhood.
He was an alcoholic before we married and he has not gone backwards, not one time.
He has Mama issues.... his Mom is a whole 'nother story.
She had him at 14.
I know she loves him but she does not even see our kids unless we go to her house.
She has pets and TC is allergic but I do try to make an effort.
I am doing better!!
His Dad was killed in a motorcycle accident before we met.
They were very close but his Dad was "not right" after an accident in the army.
He introduced Hubs to alcohol at 9 years old.
Don't get me wrong blogger friends, my husband is a good man.
But he drives me fucking insane a lot of the time.
I will keep trying.
Because I love him.
And I love our kids.
And we have a good life, we really do.
I never imagined I could have all I do. And be happier than I ever thought possible.
This is just another bump in the road and we will get past it.
N-T ways, did I tell y'all that my husband's mom is taking him Friday to the dentist. Ha! He didn't even tell me he needed a ride, I asked him and he said, "Well I can drive myself." Mmmkay then.
So now she is taking him.
Glad they got that all worked out.
So yep, we had a long talk last night and I told him that he hurt me when he blamed me for him not going to the dentist YEARS ago. I mean, this man has not gone to the dentist since TC was a baby, TC is 8!!
I have been fussing for him to go but damn, I get tired of being the one to babysit a grown ass man. So I waited til' he made his own appointment which he never freakin' did!!
I made him an appointment last week for this weeks visit.
He told me I am not sympathetic enough and even after he had back surgery, I didn't come in the room to rub his back or anything!
I told him that I am sorry that his Mom coddled and babied him so much, I never had that. My mom had 4 kids and too much drama to babysit me. Hell, I was tough even as a kid because I was the baby girl and nobody babied me! I had to grow a thick skin really quick! Or get my ass beat a lot. Then when I was 10, she had Kyle and when I was 15, she had Robby. So I had to help take care of them.
And as for me not rubbing his back, I was trying to take care of two kids, work and handle all of the household crap, mow, pay bills, all while worrying about him and his recuperation. I did take off work a whole week to be home with him. But shoot me because I didn't have any time left to take a shit!
Oh that conversation had me really ready to spit nails. But I do feel better today and I am hoping he is not in too much pain AFTER the root canal or I may have to go rent a room and get away from him. Of course I will take the kids with me too.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
I sent a cute e mail to a few of my blogger friends and a few of my friends I know in person.
One of the blogger people sent me a reply that said,"Kristi if you send me anything, don't do it in a mass e mail. I don't want people seeing my e mail address. I get too much spam and other crap and I don't want to get that stuff."
I am sure now that all of my friends are going to send her spam.
Because that's what I do in my spare time, how about you??
Give me a break.
Shit, lighten up person!
On a good news front, I had a long talk with my husband and I told him that he is not very fair to me and how he makes me feel like shit a lot.
And he said, "yeah, I do that a lot, huh?"
Well, atleast he acknowledged my feelings.
I hate that he procrastinates on things until it HAS to be done. Yep I like taking care of things but not everything and it gets old.
My jacuzzi tub is used nightly and if not I would have probably killed him by now!!
Monday, February 8, 2010
Plus my husband called me acting an ass and I had to go off on him.
He had the nerve to hang up on me and when I called him back he would not answer his phone.
Oh HELL NO!!
I sent him a text and told him about himself.
I came home and gave him dirty looks because I am a child like that.
Then I listened to my MP3 for 2 hours and chatted with Bina, my friend Jaime, and my Mom on Facebook.
While attempting to do a little homework.
I am a rock star.
It makes me think of my past.
Some days I wish I could go back to the times when my husband and I were madly in love. I watch home videos of when Sara was around 3 years old and oh my gosh, we were so in love.
I love him.
I truly do.
But things in our marriage have not been easy.
We married after 3 months of dating. We were so crazy in love.
There were things I didn't know about him.
I found out he hadn't filed taxes for 2 years which resulted in a payment plan to the IRS.
I was making around $5.40 an hour and he was making not much more than that.
I was pregnant with Sara at the time.
I was fiercly independent and his Mom hated that we married so soon.
She would bring boxes of food over until she finally "got it" that he would get fed.
And he did get fed well!!
He would tell her things about me and I knew she did not like me much.
He had his first major surgery when I was pregnant with TC.
He had a tumor in his leg.
I was 8 months pregnant and stayed overnight in the hospital.
The nurse kicked me out of the room and I slept in the waiting room, scared to death.
He was hurting and made me cry, he was very irritated and I was very sensitive.
It was pretty horrible.
Once we were home,
I had to hold everything together, work, plus take Sara to her activities at school.
With no help from any family whatsoever.
Then after TC was born, hubs started having back problems.
And it has been going on for the last 8 years.
Several procedures and back surgeries and time off and sick days.
And most of the time he is sick with one thing or another.
Right now it is his teeth...which I have told him to go to the dentist for the last several years and he didn't. Finally I made him an appointment and he has over $2200 worth of work needing to be done. And I am about to be unemployed.
It has been hard. And through it all, I have worked and held it together.
I know I am strong.
But some days I want to be weak, you know??
Some days I want to be the one who rests while someone else takes care of things.
The cooking, cleaning, bills, kids, taxes, car repairs, outside work, and more.
Sometimes I just get sad.
He says I am too loud but I think I have to be independent and speak my mind.
My life has not been easy and I had to learn so much the hard way. I was on my own at 17.
I got taken advantage of. I refuse to NOT speak my mind.
If not, everything would probably fall apart.
And some days I long for the days when he was in good shape. I wish he felt better.
I wish I didn't feel so alone some days.
Sometimes I long for the beginning.
It was really fantastic.
I pray that we can make it. Some days I have my doubts.
I do my very best because I love my babies too and they need us both.
And maybe it's just that I am on my period today and maybe tomorrow will be better.
But I miss those young fools who were so deeply in love.
I really do.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Damnit damnit damnit!
(stomping off in disgust)
At one time, I shared some things with her confidentially and she ran and told what I said. Let me say, it is very hard for me to trust others and when my confidence is betrayed, one strike and that is all it takes.
When I called her on it, she lied to my face.
We are all human but when you do something, own up to it. Personally I think she is a scared little rabbit on the inside and she tries to pull reverse psychology bull crap on everyone. It does not work with me.
I brought the dvd player up here to listen to the last 10 minutes of the movie while I worked. The other ladies up here watch videos all day long and nothing gets said. But she has already talked shit to 3 other people about me "watching a movie." Give me a break.
So you know my boss is nosey ass and she came in my office asking all about my portable dvd player.. I had my movie going with one earplug in my ear.
She said, "What is that?"
I said, "It's a thing."
And she said, "Well, what is it, I don't have one?"
I said, "It's a thing to watch stuff on."
I just love jacking with her.
I could tell she was getting pissed.
I said, "Well, what is it you came in here for?"
So she told me some bull about stores being moved.
Like I freakin' care. I am so over this place!!
Send me home already!! FUUUUUUUUUUCK.
And she started back in with the questions.
"Oh so that is to watch movies on? Like dvd's??"
And I said, "Yep, it sure is."
Finally she got a clue and left my office.
I wanted to punch her in her face.
And her counterpart keeps fucking coming in here too.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
It's just that as I get older, I change and he is not changing much. And someone can claim they are perfect, but none of us are, right??
Anyways, thanks for the ear and not judging me. I need to hurry up and start my period. And my husband came home and did dishes and put up laundry yesterday. He was really proud of himself!
Monday, February 1, 2010
Let me change the subject now.
Do you ever feel that even though someone loves you that they don't like you very much? Sometimes I feel that way about my husband. He pissed me off last night and I was like, "Okay then, see if I get up and start your damn truck tomorrow or fix your lunch." And under my breath, "Fucker!" Everytime he doesn't like something I say, he calls me big mouth or crazy. And those are my hot buttons, don't push them or all hell will break loose. I told him if he calls me either of those again, it will be the LAST time he does.
And I told my sister if he comes up missing, don't tell anybody he is up under the swimming pool.
Shhhh , y'all please don't tell either.