LITTLE RALPHY ON MATH (Part 1)
A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little Ralphy. He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot." The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."
Then little RALPHY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.Which one is married?" The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone." To which Little RALPHY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on," but I like your thinking."
LITTLE RALPHY ON MATH (Part 2)
Little RALPHY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic. "Why?" asks the father? "The teacher asked 'How much is 2 x3,'" I said "6", replies RALPHY. "But that's right!" says his dad. "Yeah, but then she asked me "How much is 3x2?'" "What's the f...... difference?" asks the father. "That's what I said!"
LITTLE RALPHY ON ENGLISH
Little RALPHY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?" RALPHY says "Mas-tur-bate." Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little RALPHY, that's a mouthful." Little RALPHY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
LITTLE RALPHY ON GRAMMAR
Little RALPHY was sitting in class one day.All of a sudden, he needed to go to the toilet.He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!" The teacher replied, 'Now, RALPH Y, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation.The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.'Please use the word 'ur-i-nate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go." Little RALPHY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but ifyou had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
LITTLE RALPHY ON GRAMMAR (Part 2)
One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in t h e same sentence twice. First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it." "Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael. "My mummy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully." She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly called on little RALPHY. "Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just f...... beautiful!'"
LITTLE RALPHY ON GETTING OLDER
Little RALPHY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another.After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat." Little RALPHY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old." The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?" Little RALPHY answered, "No, he minded his own f....... business. I LOVE Little RALPHY!!!!!
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Letters
Sorry I haven't posted in a whole week!!!
I was going to post over the weekend but I was pretty sure you readers did not want to hear me bitch about my husband AGAIN.
So instead, I thought I would post a few letters.
DEAR DOCTOR,
I was really dreading my pap smear yesterday and I went home and washed my ass, my cooch and everything else. I even shaved!!! When I got to your office, people were griping about having to wait for a LOOOOONG time. Great. My appointment was for 4:45 and at 5:50 one of your nurses called me to the front asking, "Can you come back Thursday? We are running behind."
My answer, "Nope. Reschedule me for next month." Maybe you should talk to your office people about overscheduling and this won't happen again. GAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH.
Signed,
Frustrated Patient
DEAR LITTLE BITCH AT MCDONALD'S DRIVE THRU,
I placed my order 2 times and you didn't hear that I wanted hashbrowns. So the third time I yelled it. I don't appreciate you getting all rude with me saying "Ma'am you don't have to get mad, someone else was talking to me and that is why I didn't hear you."
Fuck you.
And you had better be glad I really wanted my chicken biscuit or I would have just drove off.
Rude ass.
Signed,
Hungry customer who almost ripped your face off
DEAR COWORKER,
Every morning when I come in you always expect me to come into your office and say hello. You never extend the same courtesy. So if I came in today and didn't feel like walking into your office and saying good morning, just get over it. Because you really get on my nerves when I tease with you and you get cutthroat with me simply because you can't take a friggin' joke.
Signed,
Sometimes I just don't like you very much and you think because you are older it's okay to be a big bitch and it is NOT
DEAR TC,
I love you son. But get over yourself. The world does not revolve around you. And yes, you are cute, but that cute face can only get you so far. I got your number.
Signed,
Your Mom who loves you dearly but I am tired of you being an ass all the time!
I was going to post over the weekend but I was pretty sure you readers did not want to hear me bitch about my husband AGAIN.
So instead, I thought I would post a few letters.
DEAR DOCTOR,
I was really dreading my pap smear yesterday and I went home and washed my ass, my cooch and everything else. I even shaved!!! When I got to your office, people were griping about having to wait for a LOOOOONG time. Great. My appointment was for 4:45 and at 5:50 one of your nurses called me to the front asking, "Can you come back Thursday? We are running behind."
My answer, "Nope. Reschedule me for next month." Maybe you should talk to your office people about overscheduling and this won't happen again. GAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH.
Signed,
Frustrated Patient
DEAR LITTLE BITCH AT MCDONALD'S DRIVE THRU,
I placed my order 2 times and you didn't hear that I wanted hashbrowns. So the third time I yelled it. I don't appreciate you getting all rude with me saying "Ma'am you don't have to get mad, someone else was talking to me and that is why I didn't hear you."
Fuck you.
And you had better be glad I really wanted my chicken biscuit or I would have just drove off.
Rude ass.
Signed,
Hungry customer who almost ripped your face off
DEAR COWORKER,
Every morning when I come in you always expect me to come into your office and say hello. You never extend the same courtesy. So if I came in today and didn't feel like walking into your office and saying good morning, just get over it. Because you really get on my nerves when I tease with you and you get cutthroat with me simply because you can't take a friggin' joke.
Signed,
Sometimes I just don't like you very much and you think because you are older it's okay to be a big bitch and it is NOT
DEAR TC,
I love you son. But get over yourself. The world does not revolve around you. And yes, you are cute, but that cute face can only get you so far. I got your number.
Signed,
Your Mom who loves you dearly but I am tired of you being an ass all the time!
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Over it
So I am over being mad at my husband. I really do love his crazy ass but some days....oh I tell ya!
Today I took Sara to get her schedule. Luckily she does not need any shots. Apparently some kids need several, I think my nephew who will be in 7th grade, needed 3 shots. CRAZY!
So we get to the school and there is a note that you can meet the teachers tomorrow. WHAT THE HELL? I had to take off work to take her today and I am supposed to take off for meet the teacher? I don't think so.
I got up early and mowed for 2 hours today. I like to mow and talk to the Lord, listen to some music and reflect on a lot of things.
We got to Sara's school and who do I run into?? My freaking sister. The one who hates me because she read my blog. She sort of waved to me, I grabbed my nephew, gave him a hug and told him "Good Luck!" and then we left.
Good Lord.
And it is so freaking hot out there!!!
Today I took Sara to get her schedule. Luckily she does not need any shots. Apparently some kids need several, I think my nephew who will be in 7th grade, needed 3 shots. CRAZY!
So we get to the school and there is a note that you can meet the teachers tomorrow. WHAT THE HELL? I had to take off work to take her today and I am supposed to take off for meet the teacher? I don't think so.
I got up early and mowed for 2 hours today. I like to mow and talk to the Lord, listen to some music and reflect on a lot of things.
We got to Sara's school and who do I run into?? My freaking sister. The one who hates me because she read my blog. She sort of waved to me, I grabbed my nephew, gave him a hug and told him "Good Luck!" and then we left.
Good Lord.
And it is so freaking hot out there!!!
Monday, August 17, 2009
The fight
Yeah, the fight we had Saturday was really stupid. I wanted to go see The Time Traveler's Wife with Sara,and we agreed that Hubs would take TC to see GI JOE. So when our local movie theater didn't have the Time Traveler's Wife on their automated movie line I had to change plans. I told Hubs, "I really don't want to go see a kid movie. I guess I can just wait or maybe see something else."
I guess this pissed him off because he said, "Well, you don't want to see a kid movie, but I have to take Tony Carl to see a kid movie."
I said, "How is GI JOE a kid movie? It has fighting, shooting, etc....and you said before that you wanted to see it. What the hell?"
And he kept going on and on and on until it escalated into one big ass fight.
I had just came back from the grocery store, dollar store, and Ace Hardware and all of them were still in bed. So I was pissed that I did all this and then came home to get bitched at over a movie! Hubs had just woken up as I came home and it was after 10.
I told Hubs that he could just go see District 9, since he had been talking about it and since he didn't want to go see GI JOE and I could just take the kids to the park or something, because really, I can go see a movie whenever, but I don't want my kids to be disappointed.
He kept acting a damn fool.
I sat on the couch and was crying because by this time the kids were awake and hearing the whole argument. Hubs continued to scream that I wasn't "getting his point."
Hubs had been cooking some pasta and Alfredo sauce with hamburger meat. During the fight, I looked in the pan and noticed he had put crushed red pepper in the meat. I said, "Why would you do that? I told you the last time it made me very sick!"
His reply,"Well, it is good, you'll be okay. Without it, the food would be bland."
Oh you KNOW I was calling him some names under my breath.
I was so pissed off.
I went ahead and ate later on, once I calmed down, but I was having severe stomach cramps after eating. And explosive poops.
WHAT A FUCKER.
I guess this pissed him off because he said, "Well, you don't want to see a kid movie, but I have to take Tony Carl to see a kid movie."
I said, "How is GI JOE a kid movie? It has fighting, shooting, etc....and you said before that you wanted to see it. What the hell?"
And he kept going on and on and on until it escalated into one big ass fight.
I had just came back from the grocery store, dollar store, and Ace Hardware and all of them were still in bed. So I was pissed that I did all this and then came home to get bitched at over a movie! Hubs had just woken up as I came home and it was after 10.
I told Hubs that he could just go see District 9, since he had been talking about it and since he didn't want to go see GI JOE and I could just take the kids to the park or something, because really, I can go see a movie whenever, but I don't want my kids to be disappointed.
He kept acting a damn fool.
I sat on the couch and was crying because by this time the kids were awake and hearing the whole argument. Hubs continued to scream that I wasn't "getting his point."
Hubs had been cooking some pasta and Alfredo sauce with hamburger meat. During the fight, I looked in the pan and noticed he had put crushed red pepper in the meat. I said, "Why would you do that? I told you the last time it made me very sick!"
His reply,"Well, it is good, you'll be okay. Without it, the food would be bland."
Oh you KNOW I was calling him some names under my breath.
I was so pissed off.
I went ahead and ate later on, once I calmed down, but I was having severe stomach cramps after eating. And explosive poops.
WHAT A FUCKER.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Bad morning
I brought my Living in TX blog back. I deleted out a lot of the old posts but I missed it so I brought it back.
At first I felt bad about some of the things I said but I am not feeling bad anymore.
Had a bad argument with the Hubs today. It all started over going to see a movie. REALLY STUPID.
We haven't fought like that in awhile and it really takes a toll. I cried that horrible (from the gut) cry. I feel exhausted. We were yelling...I hate for my kids to hear that.
At first I felt bad about some of the things I said but I am not feeling bad anymore.
Had a bad argument with the Hubs today. It all started over going to see a movie. REALLY STUPID.
We haven't fought like that in awhile and it really takes a toll. I cried that horrible (from the gut) cry. I feel exhausted. We were yelling...I hate for my kids to hear that.
Friday, August 14, 2009
Tired, Sara helping out
My kids were up LATE last night. Hubs is off today so no doubt they are all sleeping in. I am so jealous. I was up at 5:30 sweeping and mopping and watching Real Housewives of Atlanta. I am tired. I haven't slept well all week because TC has kept me up with his eczema and last night they were slamming the door in the bathroom which woke me up.
I left the kitchen for them to clean up today. I clean the kitchen usually twice a day and this morning I didn't feel like it.
Sara was a sweetheart and did a lot of laundry for me yesterday. Even though I do a load or two a day, between swimming, and bathing, we had tons of other clothes dirty. Sara is making some extra money for taking care of TC two days this week and the extra stuff I have asked her to do. She got another new cell yesterday, it was a virgi#n mobi*le and it was $15. I am paying her $67 more when I get paid next week. She thinks she is rich!!
I left the kitchen for them to clean up today. I clean the kitchen usually twice a day and this morning I didn't feel like it.
Sara was a sweetheart and did a lot of laundry for me yesterday. Even though I do a load or two a day, between swimming, and bathing, we had tons of other clothes dirty. Sara is making some extra money for taking care of TC two days this week and the extra stuff I have asked her to do. She got another new cell yesterday, it was a virgi#n mobi*le and it was $15. I am paying her $67 more when I get paid next week. She thinks she is rich!!
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Thoughts
My husband has panic attacks. He hates being in a room full of people. We are so opposite, I feel right at home in a crowd.
He thinks I was wrong to put stuff in my blog about my sister for the "whole world" to see. I think that if I don't blog I will surely lose my mind.
What can you do to change a situation if you have apologized and the person refuses to talk to you?
Nothing I suppose.
He thinks I was wrong to put stuff in my blog about my sister for the "whole world" to see. I think that if I don't blog I will surely lose my mind.
What can you do to change a situation if you have apologized and the person refuses to talk to you?
Nothing I suppose.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Back to work
I went back to work today. What a loooooooooooong day!! It took forever for 4:30 to get here.
I got to thinking about my sister today. Some days I miss talking to her. I am still angry that she snooped and found my blog. And I feel like she blew what I said out of proportion.
Maybe it is just hormones.
I got to thinking about my sister today. Some days I miss talking to her. I am still angry that she snooped and found my blog. And I feel like she blew what I said out of proportion.
Maybe it is just hormones.
Monday, August 10, 2009
Our trip
So we ended up going to Durant Oklahoma to the Choctaw Resort. Hubs and I gambled a bit but I never go in there thinking I am going to win a ton. Which I didn't. And I only took $40, but I walked out with $28. I spent some of that on Sara a bracelet, hubs a ring, and myself a magnet with Choctaw Casino on it.
The kids and I loved the pool. In the top one, you can see a big ol' slide that TC and Sara went down eleventy billion times!! My Mom drove down and visited and we swam for a while. All in all it was a nice time and if we hadn't had to have a/c repairs (which we got SCREWED on) we could have stayed another night. Oh well, we still got to go and that is what matters.
TC keeps asking, "Can I go back to Hokahoma?" LOL
Thursday, August 6, 2009
To Bina
Did you get my blog invite for my new blog??
I didn't actually delete my Living in TX blog, I just set it to where only I can read it.
I wanted to go back and see when I wrote that stuff about my sister. It was 9 damn months ago!
Send me your e mail if you didn't get the invite!
butterflylady97@yahoo.com
Love ya!!
Mean it!!
I didn't actually delete my Living in TX blog, I just set it to where only I can read it.
I wanted to go back and see when I wrote that stuff about my sister. It was 9 damn months ago!
Send me your e mail if you didn't get the invite!
butterflylady97@yahoo.com
Love ya!!
Mean it!!
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
How
my sister Monica has read my autism blog for over a year. She never found my profile page and she never found my Living in TX blog. I mentioned on Facebook that I blogged about something at work so I guess she got nosey and dug til' she found it. She read it for over 3 hours without my knowledge. When I called her last night, she started screaming at me and told me she can't talk to me since I want to slap the shit out of her!
I have written things on there about her and it was a vent. I am like that, I get pissed, I vent, I get over it.
My fault for not making my TX blog private.
I apologized over and over and told her it was a private blog and that when I wrote those things, we were not getting along.
She says she feels betrayed and I am wrong for blogging about her to complete strangers and all of my blog friends called her crazy!
I asked would she rather me blog to people we know??
We were messaging on Facebook.
I apologized no less than 30 times and she won't talk to me and I understand she is hurt. But I can't do anything about it really.
I have to move on.
She put on her Facebook today that "she is sad because people choose not to have a relationship with the Lord."
I sent her a message and told her not to presume what my relationship with God is, that is between me and him!
You know I am sorry for saying some of the things I said, but I am not sorry because that is how I felt at the time. And if I did not blog, I would surely lose my damn mind.
I have written things on there about her and it was a vent. I am like that, I get pissed, I vent, I get over it.
My fault for not making my TX blog private.
I apologized over and over and told her it was a private blog and that when I wrote those things, we were not getting along.
She says she feels betrayed and I am wrong for blogging about her to complete strangers and all of my blog friends called her crazy!
I asked would she rather me blog to people we know??
We were messaging on Facebook.
I apologized no less than 30 times and she won't talk to me and I understand she is hurt. But I can't do anything about it really.
I have to move on.
She put on her Facebook today that "she is sad because people choose not to have a relationship with the Lord."
I sent her a message and told her not to presume what my relationship with God is, that is between me and him!
You know I am sorry for saying some of the things I said, but I am not sorry because that is how I felt at the time. And if I did not blog, I would surely lose my damn mind.
Monday, August 3, 2009
My other blog
I have deleted my Living Life in Tx blog. My sister found it. Of course I said stuff about her and she was PISSED....not good. I never dreamed she would find it.
Rockin' blogger award and 10 things
Just Jen tagged me for this. She gave me an award too!
Thanks Jen.
I am supposed to list 10 things about myself that none of my readers know.
1. I fart A LOT.
2. I think I suffer from OCD, I hate it when things are on the floor. It drives me bonkers. I clean up the breakroom at work because stuff on the floors and counters bugs me.
3. Before I married Hubs, I drank every weekend. Now one drink knocks me on my ass.
4. I try to parent firm but understanding because I had the firm parenting growing up, but not the understanding one.
5. I am smart, but I have to work at it in college.
6. I can't stand when people ignore their kids. I know, we all do it at one time or another. But in public, when your kid is SCREAMING "Mom, Mom, Mom" eleventy billion times, answer the little bugger!
7. I get pissed when I see someone living in a nicer house, driving a nicer car, and wearing nicer clothes than me, with 4 or 5 kids and using food stamps. DAMN! I want free food too!! And I want to stay home and have a bunch of kids. (Not really, just sayin')
8. I hate when someone wears dirty shoes or when their kid does. I am not talking about a little dirt from the playground, I am talking about when white shoes are BLACK and nobody bothers to wash them off with a little windex or mean green and a paper towel.
9. I hate wiping. I think it is a disgusting human function, therefore I hate poop and pee. It is just gross. And periods, all that leaking. Eww...'nuf said.
10. I really can't deal with people sneaking up behind me. Due to something in my past, when this happens I get really, really mad and sometimes when it scares me, I cry.
That's it.
Since I only have 9 followers, feel free to do this one if you want.
PS My hubby found my living in tx blog. He was laughing his ass off and I went in the bedroom and he was reading it. I took my laptop away from him WITH THE QUICKNESS! Damn it!
Thanks Jen.
I am supposed to list 10 things about myself that none of my readers know.
1. I fart A LOT.
2. I think I suffer from OCD, I hate it when things are on the floor. It drives me bonkers. I clean up the breakroom at work because stuff on the floors and counters bugs me.
3. Before I married Hubs, I drank every weekend. Now one drink knocks me on my ass.
4. I try to parent firm but understanding because I had the firm parenting growing up, but not the understanding one.
5. I am smart, but I have to work at it in college.
6. I can't stand when people ignore their kids. I know, we all do it at one time or another. But in public, when your kid is SCREAMING "Mom, Mom, Mom" eleventy billion times, answer the little bugger!
7. I get pissed when I see someone living in a nicer house, driving a nicer car, and wearing nicer clothes than me, with 4 or 5 kids and using food stamps. DAMN! I want free food too!! And I want to stay home and have a bunch of kids. (Not really, just sayin')
8. I hate when someone wears dirty shoes or when their kid does. I am not talking about a little dirt from the playground, I am talking about when white shoes are BLACK and nobody bothers to wash them off with a little windex or mean green and a paper towel.
9. I hate wiping. I think it is a disgusting human function, therefore I hate poop and pee. It is just gross. And periods, all that leaking. Eww...'nuf said.
10. I really can't deal with people sneaking up behind me. Due to something in my past, when this happens I get really, really mad and sometimes when it scares me, I cry.
That's it.
Since I only have 9 followers, feel free to do this one if you want.
PS My hubby found my living in tx blog. He was laughing his ass off and I went in the bedroom and he was reading it. I took my laptop away from him WITH THE QUICKNESS! Damn it!
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