Brothers

Things are going well here. Other than this crazy cold spell we have again in Tx. I didn't even go out all day today. My Mom called and told me about my two crazy brothers, both have been in jail and I am so over their sorry asses.

I want to ask her, "Where were you when I needed you? Hell, I had to grow up at a very young age because we were fucking homeless at 15." My sister was molested for years by our stepdad. Unbeknownst to me, and why she never told me I will never understand.

But my sorry loser brothers get all the attention. They have both been offered chance after chance after chance. They have both been to rehab. Neither of them will work or do anything to make an effort. They only think of themselves! I am just tired of them.

I have helped both of them financially but I am done. I work and I will take care of me and mine and they need to get a life and get a JOB!

Last days

As of next week, I will be unemployed. It has been a long run. 15+ years at this job. I married my husband while working here and I had both of my babies and came back to work 6 weeks later. I have had days when I loved this job and days when I hated it (or should I say the people I work with). It has been a good ride.
Now it is time to get off this ride and start all over again somewhere else.
I hope the next one lasts the rest of my life.
I am not liking this change too much!

Today they fed us Mexican food.
We had a good time.
I will miss it.

I'm back!

Gosh, I haven't posted here in so long. I hate it when people apologize for not posting so I won't do that.

Wow, a lot has been going on. They did not have the funeral til' last Thursday. She did not look that good, you could see bruises under her makeup where they tried to work on her. I am pretty sure she overdosed on pain meds.

My brother left for several days and my Mom and I tried to visit Laura's family and help the kids out when needed. The service was sad and a little crazy. Then Laura's sister posted pics on Facebook of her in her casket.
Creeeeeepy.

Things are finally back to normal at my house. I tell my kids they need to stop misbehaving and appreciate me more, we just never know when it is our time to go!

Marriage and Death

Things are better.

Hubs is making an effort.
We will see what happens.

Dealing with a death in the family right now so I am just going to be there for my brother and his kids. His ex wife passed this morning and she was only 33.

Love is...

I am listening to music, Shakira's "Underneath Your Clothes". It is making me cry. I know that I love my husband and I know his heart.
Sometimes you get lost in life.
It is hard.

During the difficult times with my crazy family, this man has had my back. He has held me when I cried, he has been there for me thru my crazy ass antics, and my family's too.

I miss how things were when we met. Hell, we were 21, so in love, and nobody could tell us anything. We married after 3 short months and had a baby the next year. It was hard, but we made it.

It is still hard.
There are days when I wonder if we will make it.
And there are others when I know we will.
I am taking it one day at a time.

It is not easy.
I have reached out.
I have pulled back.
I am waiting patiently.
We will see how things go but I am leaving it in God's hands.
I have prayed about things and I feel at peace.

Can love conquer all?
We shall see.

Love is powerful.
Love is hard as hell at times too.

Up in the air

I just wanted to say that I know I go back and forth on my marriage!
My husband is perfectly happy if his world is okay. He shows me love all the time, but he is just lazy as hell.

I am not a quitter. I do not want a divorce. I want things to change.
I have suggested counseling but he refuses.

What am I supposed to do??
He does not think he does things wrong but that I am just crazy because I complain about things.

I want to get Sara through high school before doing anything rash. She will be a freshman next year.
I think a divorce would affect her worse than TC.
I don't want to be a statistic and become divorced, I just want things to change.

My sister's husband does not help her either and she feels how I feel, we love them but we are tired. We are good women and we work hard at home and at work. We just want some help.
Women who work away from the home totally get this. Her husband was off yesterday and in town and she asked him to get her a burrito and he acted an ass! Told her he had things to do and he wasn't going to get her anything! Asshole! They have been married 19 years.

Zephra, I remember you saying you went on strike once. And that it did not work.
Sometimes I just don't say anything about needing help, because when I do, things don't change anyway.

Some days I feel helpless. If it were only me, I would have been gone a long time ago, but it is not just me.

I'm all out of love

Well, if you read my living in tx blog you will see how my week went last week.
Go herehttp://www.crazyintx-kristi.blogspot.com to read about it.

I came home yesterday and lost my shit on the Hubs.
I mean, HELL, he has laid in the damn bed for 4 days and as usual I am the one handling everything.

I took the kids to my sister's and come home and started cooking. Hubs thinks he has to come in the kitchen to supervise me. I asked him was his nut any better and his reaction, "Well, I think I need surgery."
Fuck me.
He is not even on day 4 of the antibiotics and it is a 7 day prescription.
I totally lost it and told him. I told him how stressed out I am.
How he never feels good and he never helps me do anything, even take out the trash.
How he wants sympathy 24/7 and I have nothing left to give after taking care of everything that has to be done around the house.

His reaction, "Well, I don't like feeling bad either."

I am so over him having something wrong with him all the fucking time! I really am!

I daydream about being by myself.
Living by myself with the kids.
Is this how love is supposed to be??
Because I am not feeling the love lately.