I just wanted to say that I know I go back and forth on my marriage!
My husband is perfectly happy if his world is okay. He shows me love all the time, but he is just lazy as hell.
I am not a quitter. I do not want a divorce. I want things to change.
I have suggested counseling but he refuses.
What am I supposed to do??
He does not think he does things wrong but that I am just crazy because I complain about things.
I want to get Sara through high school before doing anything rash. She will be a freshman next year.
I think a divorce would affect her worse than TC.
I don't want to be a statistic and become divorced, I just want things to change.
My sister's husband does not help her either and she feels how I feel, we love them but we are tired. We are good women and we work hard at home and at work. We just want some help.
Women who work away from the home totally get this. Her husband was off yesterday and in town and she asked him to get her a burrito and he acted an ass! Told her he had things to do and he wasn't going to get her anything! Asshole! They have been married 19 years.
Zephra, I remember you saying you went on strike once. And that it did not work.
Sometimes I just don't say anything about needing help, because when I do, things don't change anyway.
Some days I feel helpless. If it were only me, I would have been gone a long time ago, but it is not just me.
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I am learning that some people judge you for being real..that is why only a select few will be told about this blog!
3 comments:
Yep. The strike did 0. In fact, it caused me more work and fighting. Maybe this is how it is supposed to be?
I am like you, I work hard at my marriage and will fight to the death for it. I can't say I will always be married but I will do everything I can to stay that way.
I hope you do not take offense to anything I commented on. It is hard to express yourself sometimes over comments without coming off the wrong way. We need to get together some time soon and talk in person.
waiting for sara to get out of school might not be wise. I learned a lot about relationships from watching my parents and that may not have been good. Let me ask you this. 15 years down the road, Sara is in the relationship you are in, and she just lets it slide and excuses it, as her mom would you feel okay with it, or would you want something better? well if you would want something better good luck, because you can't teach her to find better if you can't yourself. You can't teach her what is good in a relationship and what is bad if you are only letting the bad occur. I mean, would you want her married to a man who never helped or never took out the trash? I think a lot of people get caught up worrying about what a divorce will do that they never realize what "staying together" can do and how much damage it can cause just the same. Weigh your options hon, make sure that staying will be teaching your kids the right relationship values, because right now, you are also allowing your husband to teach TC that this is an acceptable way for a husband and a man to be, so 20 years down the road do you want TC to be sitting around doing nothing picking on his wife because his dad did, and because it had to have been fine, "because my mom never left my dad so it's okay to be this way"
I only ask this because I wish wish wish my parents wouldn't have done so much of what they did, I wouldn't have been nearly as badly fucked up relationship wise as I am now. And my husbands parents. OMFG I dont know why parents think 12 year old kids are stupid. They hear parents fight, they see pain, they notice the lack of hugging and affection and they adopt that way of life. I want to kick my MIL in the boobs for staying with her husband as long as she did, it took a really long time for me to unteach my husband all that his dad taught him
Hmm. i don't have any great advice. But maybe you need to be tougher about the counseling thing. Maybe you need to go on a "girls" vacation for a week where you take your daughter and spend it at your sister's while he decides whether or not to do the counseling. Bad advice, I know.
Hang in there.
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