I have issues, he is perfect

Okay I was hoping for a relaxing weekend.
I think someone is out to get me for real.

My husband woke up bitching yesterday.
He says he is the most pleasant person to be around.

So. Not. True.
Well, I told him we are all sick of him waking up an bitching.
He lays in bed til' noon and then gets pissy if we are cooking something and don't come ask him if he is hungry.

Hell, he was in bed.
We thought he was asleep!

So we got into it and he proceeded to tell me how he is sick of me running my mouth and how I always try to put him in his place.

What ever.

Later on, I was doing some homework and he said, "Oh this house is DIRTY. Sara needs to clean it tomorrow."

Which pissed me off!

I got up this morning, was in the kitchen cooking breakfast and here he comes.

Hubs: Oh, those pork chops are not ready yet, let them get brown before you flip them over.
Me: Mmmhmmm

I cooked and then left his stuff on the counter.
Sara went and told him his food was ready.

After we all ate, I said, "We ALL are cleaning today, that includes the kids, me and YOU hubs."
(I got a crazy look)
I told him, "Hey you can make the bed while Sara works on her room and I do the livingroom and kitchen."

So Sara, TC and I are working away and I realize the heat is on.
WTF?
So I turn the heat off. We are sweating bullets!
Here comes Hubs cranking the heat up.
Hubs: Who keeps turning the heat off?
Me: I do! It is hot as hell in here.
Hubs: Well, I am trying to warm it up so I can take a shower.

I go into the bedroom and realize he never made the bed, he never did anything!
He took a shit for 30 minutes and then he decided to shower.
I was fucking pissed.

I went in the bathroom and told him that I am pretty sick and tired of him making his little shitty comments but never ever ever helping me out around here.
And it is not Sara's job to clean the house when 4 of us live here, hell I already get up at 4:30 every morning! WTF??

He gets out of the shower PISSED OFF. He starts screaming at me and then he punches the closet door. Which REALLY pissed me off.
I hit him in his chest and told him he is not tearing my house up.

That Mother fucker.
I was mad!

He says he is sick of my mouth and how I make his life hell and he doesn't want to live this way and he is leaving.
So I told him to go ahead and pack his shit but he needs to take a little bit of responsibility for his actions and choices.

Yes, I can be an asshole.
But my God!
He works 3 or 4 days a week, if he is not sick (He missed 2 days last week). And then he comes home and lays his ass in the bed and shits and eats and wants to fuck.

And in the meantime, I am running around here cleaning, cooking, laundrying, taking care of kids, going to school, working on WORK from home.
Come on!!
Who wouldn't get sick of it??

I told him that if he is so miserable to leave but he needs to think real long and hard because if he leaves, the door will not be open whenever he feels like he wants to come back.
He has 2 kids who he will see on the weekend and I will be the one raising them full time.
So if I suck so bad, maybe he should leave. But stop threatening me that you are leaving.
Think about it Mister.

And he said that he doesn't have any problems, it is me and my big mouth. And if I would learn to keep it shut, everything would be dandy.

Oh, sure, I am the ONLY one in this marriage who takes ownership of their issues.
I suggested counseling and he said that the man up above can fix any and all of our problems.
I told him ,"Do you not think I pray everyday? I pray for God to give me strength to be the best Mom and wife I can be. But he cannot fix someone who does not think they have any faults."

I am so glad he is perfect and I am the one who is fucked up.