Update on the husband thing:
I came home yesterday and after I had a bath, he wanted some nookie.
I told him it will probably be awhile before I am ready to have sex.
I am still hurt over the things he said.
He said, "You said some hateful things to me Kristi."
And I said, "I was only telling you how I felt. I don't want to keep doing this with you over and over. It is wearing me out."
Josie, (sophie), I thought about what you said, but I haven't made that list yet. The thing is, I know my husband loves me and I know I love him.
But like I told him, "You have a lot of insecurities and I can't fix you. I can't."
Well, I guess he really got to thinking about some things because he woke me up at midnight and wanted to talk.
(I was not happy about this!!)
But he said he is worried that one day he is going to come home and I won't be there.
I told him that I am coming to him to try and work things out and I am not giving up on our marriage, but some things need to change.
I mentioned how he always wants me to change who I am, be less LOUD and not yell so much. But he doesn't want to do the things to help me have less stress in my life.
I have made it easy for him.
I handle my business, I am independent to a fault.
I will NOT ask anybody for help EVER.
I told him I watched my Mom be with sorry ass men, one being my stepdad Richard, who she followed around like a puppy.
She let my stepdad bring us to Dallas and we had nothing.
We had nowhere to go.
We were homeless.
I refuse to be that way.
I will have my life, my independence and I don't have to ask him for permission about what friends I can have.
I am coming home to him and the kids and I live for them.
But I also have to have some part of me feeling alive and excited about new things (i.e., school).
Just because I am married does not mean I am not an individual.
I refuse to lose myself in a man.
It is my responsibility to teach my daughter a different way, different than what I was taught.
So I guess things are better. But I am simply exhausted. Relationships are so much work!
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I am learning that some people judge you for being real..that is why only a select few will be told about this blog!
2 comments:
I hope he realizes how serious you are and that he IS willing to work on this. Some men just refuse to believe there anything wrong, and if there is, it MUST be the woman's fault, right? When I have tried to talk to my husband, he has actually said, "If you think there is someone out there better than me, then go find that guy." Have you any idea how bad that pisses me off??
Anyway, I hope things do begin to change and he realize what a wonderful wife he DOES have!
i have these fights every once in a while. where i wonder, if i'm so bad why the fuck are you with me. not only that but we are the same, i am outgoing and friendly, i want to go places, do things, BE WITH PEOPLE. my husband would rather sit at home talking to his ps3
its hard sometimes. hows it go, i know she still loves me but i dont think she likes me anymore....exactly!
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