My 401 K loan FINALLY came on Saturday.
I drove to my work to wait on it. But hubs called me twice being a DICK ( he kept saying they had lied to me and it wasn't coming and why did I have to drive to my job and on and on and on), so I just left. As soon as I got into our town, my coworker called and said it was here. I went ahead and drove home, everybody got ready and we came BACK to my job to pick up the check.
We took the kids to Wally World and then to lunch. At the chinese place where we ate, hubs made a comment about how polite the little waitress was, how nice and quiet. So much unlike me. (this is how he would LIKE me to be)
We came home and I started working on a homework assignment.
Hubs went to the bedroom to watch a movie.
Sara sat on the couch watching tv and TC asked her for a bowl for his chips.
She continued to ignore him, and she didn't know I KNEW because I had earphones in. But I heard him ask her 4 times and she ignored him.
Finally I turned around and screamed, "SARA! Get him a bowl PLEASE!! Jeez, he asked you no less than 4 times and you ignored him."
You would think hubs would come out but he stayed in the room for over two hours and ignored my outburst.
When he finally came out, he made a nasty comment that he is tired of my school stressing me out so much and why couldn't I just CALM DOWN?? And I was pissed off at his comment.
Let me say I am not one of those nagging wives who asks him to help around the house. Typically he does not help and I have realized he won't ever help me like I feel he should...so why bring it up and fight about it?? And no, he rarely does the outside work such as mowing, etc.. I do that too!
N-E ways, we had it OUT.
The kids were outside. They did not hear it.
But I told him since he is constantly saying how I should change, then maybe he should not be with me, just divorce my ass. Maybe he should pack his crap and leave. I am who I am.
I feel I have changed a lot in this marriage. I don't drink, I don't go out, all I ever do is have lunch occasionally with a girlfriend. I take control of the household bills, chores, anything to do with the kids. I do it all. And I don't bitch about it. But I am tired of him saying how I should be a certain way. How I should not yell, or raise my voice, or be more quiet in public.
I know how to act in public. I am not one of those white trash acting women who acts like everybody should hear EVERYTHING she says. I know how to act.
Do I lose my cool sometimes? Hell yeah.
Am I perfect? Hell no.
But my family is my world and I do get tired of reassuring him about my love, loyalty, etc. I have done this for 15 years and I am tired.
Tired I tell ya.
He did not leave.
But we really didn't talk much after that.
Sunday I got up and went to Sonic to get lunch.
Then I came home, ate, and left to buy groceries. I asked him did he want to go and he said, "do you want me to go?"
I asked again, "Do you want to go?"
And he said, "I guess not."
I came home and finished an assignment and then took the kids to the park.
He stayed in the bed all day long.
I came home from the park and we talked. I told him we are so different. I love to be around people, I love taking the kids to places. I want to live life, not stay holed up in the bedroom 24/7.
We are trying to work it out but I am just TIRED AS HELL and I feel as if this marriage is becoming a broken record.
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2 comments:
It is said that the hardest thing in life is knowing which bridges to cross and which bridges to burn. Make a list of the pros and cons of this relationship and weigh it out. Look at the messages you are sending and receiving. It is my belief that if someone truly loves you, they won't spend a lot of time putting you down. We cannot change each other, we can only change ourselves. Sometimes we do move in different directions as we change and grow. Only you can decide what's right for you and what will move your life forward in a positive direction. Believe me, I know it's not easy!
Holy Shit, our lives and our marriages sound SO much alike! Hey, if I have an emotion, I show. I don't hold shit in. My husband was raised that you never, EVER show emotion except for laughing. So, he gets just like your husband if me or my girls so much as talk above a normal voice. Then he thinks I'm mad. He has said, "It's always so loud around here". He doesn't talk much, and his daughter talks, NEVER, and when she does you have to say, "What? I can't hear you" when she is in the same room! And let's not EVEN get started on the house and laundry.
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